I’ve known you all my life, yet I feel I’ll never really know you

You cannot change the past.

The time lost is gone, and it is pointless to attempt to recapture it.

But the future can be molded. 

And I will make the effort.

Because when you’re gone, I don’t want to blame myself for the lack of relationship that existed. I do not want to be able to say, “Sarah, it’s your fault. You didn’t try.” I refuse to live with that regret.

When I look at you, I see one flat color. I want to know the variations, the hues of your shadows, and the shifts from dark to light. I want to be able to fill up a book with words to describe you, instead of writing a simple and sparse chapter. I want to use all the potential love I hold for you. 

I don’t want to lose you and have to ask who you were. I want to undeniably know.  

All I really want is for you to want to know me too. 

Wake On up From Your Slumber

I shut down. Last summer it was as if someone just pulled the power cord out of me. I retreated into myself, I didn’t care about seeing anyone or doing anything. Working, reading, and sleeping sufficed as entertainment. I figured it would shake once the leaves started to fall from the trees, and for a while I acted like it had, but it was a facade put on as easily as a Halloween mask. I just didn’t feel like me, my energy was zapped, my zeal to be young was fading. I turned into a recluse. 

And suddenly, I feel myself coming back. I’m craving the warmth of my friendships. My brain is enjoying stimulation and being challenged. Inspiration is finding it’s way back, music has found its way back into my fingertips. A new balance is taking place and I adore it. I’m learning to accept change, and to embrace it. I’m slowly but surely finding ways to step out of my overly comfortable comfort zone. I want to learn new things while perfecting the old. Each new day presents so many opportunities that I’ve previously been shutting down. I have this urge to live every day to it’s fullest. Wake up early and go to bed late. Laugh like a hyena and soak in new experiences the way a little kid does. 

Maybe it’s the spring pulling me out of my hibernation, or maybe I’ve just grown tired of this hazy slumber. There’s a summer of possibilities laying right around the corner, and I’m ready to take full advantage of it.